Top Three Reasons to not Bully the Scientists
by Tropicwhale
Summary: I decide to add to this fic. The Top Three Reasons to not Mess with Ronan Dex and three example drabbles. My favorite is the third because its violent. Disclaimer of NOT MINE
1. Don't Bully the Scientists

The Top Three Reasons you don't bully the Atlantis Science Staff

By: Tropicwhale

Warning: Spoilers for Season Three finale

Disclaimer: Oh I so do not own anything, I just wanted to have a little fun with no profit.

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1) They all stick together and are really, really smart (otherwise they wouldn't be on Atlantis). 

It was an innocent joke. Some newbie marine said that as hard as it was for him to get laid it must be impossible for the scienctists here on Atlantis. Too bad he said it in the mess hall. Two hours later, while he was showering all his clothes were beamed out of his room and an alarmed sounded. Clothed in only a towel the marine rushed to the Control Room where a shocked Dr. Weir and smug Dr. McKay stared at him.

"Lieutenant, what are you doing here?" Weir asked.

"Uh, I was in the shower when the alarm sounded."

"We're testing all the systems, including alarms, today. Surely you got the memo." She informed him.

"No, I didn't, ma'am." Military training kicked in and he saluted her, dropping his towel. Weir looked away and the science staff in the room cracked up. In the scramble for his towel the marine heard Dr. Zelanka state loudly.

"That is why you can't get date, much less laid."

"Not to mention most of the females on Atlantis are scientists. We like to keep to our own." McKay said just as Lt. Col. John Sheppard moseyed into the control room, looked around at the chaos, and said

"This is why you don't joke about the scientists here."

"Also?" McKay added, pointing upward and grinning. "Security feed." The marine transferred out on the DAEDULUS the next time it made a run to the Ancient city.

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2) They have friends bigger then you (i.e. Ronan Dex). 

In his defense Captain Posits didn't know how much Dr. Rodney McKay meant to his team or how much they were willing to do if someone hurt him. He missed that memo. What he did know was that Dr. Rodney McKay was arrogant, rude and pissed him off. He also knew of how citrus frightened the scientist. So when McKay butted in front of him in the mess, Capt. Joe Posits merely grabbed a glass of orange juice and ordered the scientist to move out of his way. McKay turned to glare, said "No", and got orange juice dumped all over his head. Rodney McKay ended up in the infirmary due to an intense allergic reaction. Later Captain Posits, on his way to his quarters, was cornered by Col. Sheppard, Ronan Dex, Telya Emmagan, and Lt. Laura Cadman. The long and short of it was that the Captain made sure to apologize to Dr. McKay next time he saw him and was ordered to have sparing sessions with Ronan and Teyla and was working some jacked-up details for the next two year stint on Atlantis. He also jumped every time he saw Cadman. He learned never to bully another scientist again.

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3) They all eventually save your ass. 

Atlantis was under attack by Replicators. They were all probably going to die. And then McKay came up with as solution. Later after the memorial services and the settling down, Segarent Relavous of the Apollo came up to Dr. Mako to apologize for calling her an egghead and making her cry two weeks ago."It's great to have you scientists around or we'd all be scrambled." He had said. Major Lorne overheard and added.

"Yup and we're all family here. Teasing is one thing, but you never bully an Atlantis scientist."

End


	2. Don't Mess With Ronan Dex

Top Three Reasons Not to Mess with Ronan Dex

Top Three Reasons Not to Mess with Ronan Dex

(a guide to new recruits, IOA and NID representatives to Atlantis to avoid injury and/or death)

By: Tropicwhale

Disclaimer: MINEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Not.

AN: So I read my three reviews (thanks btw :) ) and I decided to turn this into a…..err thingamajing. Maybe with some plot! Or not but I was watching the Midway episode and thought…someone really ought to write those guys a manual. The IOA guys not the Stargate operative guys…those guys rock! So here ya go….Top Three Reasons Not to Mess with Ronan Dex, an instructional guide.

REASON 1: Uh….he's Ronan Dex

(and probably most important)

Lt. Gibbs is a big man. He was 6'3" and approximately 250 lbs. He prides himself on the fact he's a marine and wasn't rarely scared of anyone. He had been on Atlantis for the past two years and had gotten into hand-to-hand combat with Wraith soldiers and was still breathing and the Wraith wasn't. So when Lt. Hopewell, a 5'7" explosives expert who had been on Atlantis for less than a month started claiming that he had beaten up guys bigger then Gibbs, Gibbs laughed in his face. Hopewell, obviously not thinking that it was that funny, snarled and said. "Its true! I bet I could beat up that Dex guy. He doesn't look so tough!" Gibbs stopped laughing. The entire mess went silent. "That's right. You heard me." Hopewell bragged. "I bet I could beat up Ronan Dex."  
"I'll take that bet." A gravelly deep voice purred behind Hopewell.

Lt. Harris Hopewell was nothing if not a smart man. He knew that the only way for a man of his size to get any respect was to challenge the biggest guy on that base and win. He knew he was a bit of a braggart and he knew on Atlantis he was in an entirely different league. So when the those fateful words left his mouth "I bet I could beat up Ronan Dex." And a voice answered

"I'll take that bet." Hopewell knew he was screwed. He knew he was doubly screwed when Gibbs (not a small man) looked at was behind Hopewell and paled. Gibbs then looked at Hopewell, right in his eyes, and said

"Nice knowin' ya, kid." Hopewell squirmed and then with a deep breath looked up. Ronan Dex towered over the table and Hopewell. Hopewell gulped. Dex smirked. Hopewell looked faint. Dex's grin widened.

"Iwasjustjoking,Mr.Dex,sir.Bye!" Hopewell bolted out of the commissary without so much as a glance back. Ronan huffed a little in amusement and sat down in the recently vacated seat and smiled at his friend, Gibbs.

"Sheppard should be pleased. I didn't make this one wet himself." Gibbs laughed. Across the mess Rodney McKay sighed half in amusement and half in exasperation.

"When will they learn not to mess to Ronan? Or even the idea of Ronan?" he asked rhetorically. Teyla just shrugged and continued eating.

REASON TWO: He's friends with some very strange people.

(yes Rodney, I'm talking about you…)

Some new of the new chemist staff (three women and one guy) got it into their collective heads that they could create an aphrodisiac from Pegasus Galaxy plants and using Ancient tech. They then decided to test their love potion on someone who looked like they could use a little…relaxation. Through some unknown factoring that not even McKay could understand after it was too late they decided on Ronan as a guinea pig. Unfortunately, it killed Ronan….just kidding but it didn't make him horny just…tired. For about a month…which put SGA-1 completely city-bound for that month. Sheppard may be good but he really needed Ronan and Teyla to keep Rodney in line and because Teyla was on maternity leave and Ronan was…asleep he really didn't have choice but to ground Rodney and himself for the interim. Thus Sheppard got bored. Really bored, like cosmically bored. There is only so much he could do on Atlantis…He flew the Puddle Jumper about forty million times, annoyed Rodney until he was banned from the lap, played solitaire on his computer until it crashed, played his guitar until the G string broke, ate, sleep….there was no way he could be convinced to do paper work, and ran. And during a run he discovered a machine that made holograms. He grinned. Then he showed Rodney. Rodney grinned. Rodney figured out how to make it work because Rodney was bored as well…just not in an ADD way like Sheppard. And then all hell broke loose on the Chemistry lap.

Dr.s Bennett, Pao, Shun, and O'Malley were working on an antidote to their sleeping potion when the lab was suddenly filled with bats. Honest to god bats. Shun screamed. The other batted at the bats to become astonished that they couldn't bat a single bat. Suddenly the bats disappeared and a Wraith soldier appeared. All of the scientists screamed and hide but the Wraith transformed again, this time into a clown, and Pao screamed. The clown became a snake that hissed at Dr. Bennett who fainted in sheer terror. The women huddling in terror O'Malley jumped to the rescue grabbing his com and radioing for help. Sheppard and McKay answered. "What's amatter, O'Malley?"

"Our-our lab sir….it's filled with bats!"

"Bats?" Sheppard sounded confused. O'Malley nodded even though the military commander couldn't see it.

"Yes, sir. And a Wraith but it wasn't a wraith."

"A Wraith that wasn't a wraith." Sheppard had that 'Calm the snapped crazy scientist down, he might be homicidal' voice.

"Yes sir it was a clown…then a snake and now it's a spider…."

"hmm, sounds like something out of Harry Potter." McKay chirped in. He sound doubtful and arrogant but he always sounded like that.

"Sir? Can you please help us? Send back up or-or-or something!" O'Malley was hysterical.

"On one condition, O'Malley." Sheppard said.

"Sir?"

"Don't Mess with Ronan Dex." And the line went dead and the holograms stopped.

REASON #3:I would use "He's Ronan Dex" again but….have you seen his gun?!

(that is not an euphuism)

Sheppard made the mistake. The ultimate mistake of barrowing (read stole) Ronan's gun. It had taken three months of meticulous planning to convince Ronan to leave his gun in his room for practice in the gym. It had taken another two weeks for Ronan to be so wrapped up in training with Teyla that Sheppard could slip away. He slipped/ran all the way to Ronan's room, barrowed the gun, and slipped/ran back to the labs to show Rodney. Yes the whole mission was another McShep bet…you would think someone would ban those two from betting at all but alas no one has. Rodney sniffed at Sheppard, gave him the chocolate, waited until he was out of the lab again….and radioed Ronan. "McKay to Ronan."

"What?"

"Sheppard has your gun." The radio went dead. Radek turned to Rodney.

"Why tell Ronan if the bet was your idea?" he asked.

"Because, my dear friend, if Sheppard lost I would double my chocolate supply. If he won the plan was always to inform Ronan of the theft and watch the fun from a safe distance via the security feed."

"Rodney, you are an evil genius." Zalenka snorted as he and the other scientists gathered around the monitor to watch as Ronan ran towards Sheppard's position, Sheppard gleeful trying out the barrowed gun in the practice range and then Ronan tackling Sheppard and pummeling him to a pulp until he returned the gun. Sheppard said something. "Probably begging for life." The Czech snickered. Suddenly, the Satedian man swiveled his head around to glare at the security camera. Rodney gulped.

"He knows." Rodney whispered fearfully. Within second he was deserted in the lab. After all, the other scientists were geniuses too. Rodney gulped, swore, and checked the video feed. Ronan was moving toward the labs in the timely fashion of a runaway bullet train. Rodney's face went slack and paled. He ran toward the nearest transport. He was too slow. Ronan barreled into him and the two men went flying for a few feet before they crashed into the floor with Rodney on bottom. His wind was knocked out of him between Ronan and a hard place. Ronan sat up straddling Rodney, his one hand splayed on McKay's chest to hold the scientist down, the other poised to pile-drive Rodney's face. Rodney flinched. "Sorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorry!"

"McKay." Ronan barked.

"Yes." Rodney gulped.

"Don't mess with my gun or me ever again. Or else." Ronan got up and left. Rodney breathed in relief and "passed out".


End file.
